


Darkness

by AshWinterGray



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Blind Steve Harrington, Forgiveness, Gen, Head Injury, Mentioned Kali Prasad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Steve is blind, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, concussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17060132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshWinterGray/pseuds/AshWinterGray
Summary: There was definitely something wrong with Steve’s head as he quickly drove the Camaro back to the Byers’ house. His vision was fuzzy, and he had a burning headache. He hadn’t noticed it earlier because of the adrenaline, but he was struggling to focus on the road. Like his eyes wouldn’t adjust or something. Steve guessed he probably had a concussion. The worst part was that the kids seemed to notice something was wrong with him too.





	Darkness

            There was definitely something wrong with Steve’s head as he quickly drove the Camaro back to the Byers’ house. His vision was fuzzy, and he had a burning headache. He hadn’t noticed it earlier because of the adrenaline, but he was struggling to focus on the road. Like his eyes wouldn’t adjust or something. Steve guessed he probably had a concussion. The worst part was that the kids seemed to notice something was wrong with him too.

            “Should Max drive?” Dustin asked unhelpfully from the passenger seat for the tenth time.

            “No!” Steve snapped. “Probably just a concussion. Let me focus.”

            They all forgot one tiny detail though. Billy Hargrove. And they remained in that sense of slight bliss over a job well done until Billy’s fist once more found Steve’s face. There was shouting, but Steve was already too unsteady to fully process that he was on the ground again. This time, rather than a pounding, Billy threw Steve into the Camaro.

            “Think you can drug me and still my car,” Billy growled, a sinister smile on his face. “Think again.”

            Billy’s face completely blurred out to the point that everything just blended together. At some point, Steve stopped feeling the pain of being punched and repeatedly slammed into the Camaro. He just stopped feeling, stopped hearing. His body slumped eventually, and the sound of repeated shouting reached his ears, but Steve couldn’t see. It was all so fuzzy.

            Someone was patting his face, perhaps Dustin. It sounded like Dustin.

            “Come on buddy,” Dustin’s voice finally reached his ears as actual words and not odd humming. “You’ve got to stay awake. Sleeping on a concussion is bad. Come on.”

            “My eyes won’t open,” Steve hummed softly. “Sorry.”

            There was a pause, shouting from the others still behind him. “What are you talking about, Steve? Your eyes _are_ open.”

            That couldn’t be right. Because the fuzziness was there still, but it was accompanied by darkness. Was it really that dark outside? That couldn’t be right either because Steve could still hear the hum of the Camaro. There should have at least been headlights. So, what was wrong?

            “Dustin,” Steve called, reaching his hand out as much as he could without feeling pain. “Dustin?”

            “I’m here,” Steve pressed. “I’m here. It’s okay. You’ve got to stay awake. Just keep your eyes open look at me, okay?”

            And it hit Steve. His eyes were open. Dustin wanted him to look. But he couldn’t.

            “I can’t,” Steve breathed.

            “What are you talking about, Steve?” Dustin pressed, a little frantic. “You can stay awake. We just got to get you to a hospital. It’ll be fine. Just stay awake.”

            “No,” Steve shook his head, wincing at the pain. “I can’t look at you.”

            Another paused filled with shouting.

            “Steve?”

            “I can’t look at you,” Steve repeated, voice catching in his throat. “I can’t see. It’s dark. Dustin. I can’t see. I can’t see. I can’t see.”

            “Hopper!” Dustin screamed. “Hopper! Help! Please!”

            There were heavy footsteps, and Steve was still repeating himself. He felt hysteric. But he really couldn’t see. It was so dark and fuzzy and terrifying.

            He was blind.

            “I can’t see,” Steve sobbed out. “I can’t see. I can’t see.”

            Blind.

\----------------------------

            He was never going to see again, according to the Doctor’s. His eye sight was gone permanently. His fight with Billy, having his head slammed into the Camaro repeatedly. The plate. It had all caused permanent damage to the back of his head and brain. He would never see again. He’d lost a sense, and it left him completely broken. He’d been in the hospital for a while because his parents had to discharge him. His parents didn’t care, and Steve had been stuck between a hospital bed and a wheelchair for three weeks. They wouldn’t let him discharge himself either without someone to look after him. And he had already refused Joyce’s offer because she had enough to worry about.

            The kids came by though, quite often. Especially Max who took to bringing in objects for Steve to feel and for her to describe. She had, apparently, been reading books on blind people to try and help him. Like she owed him. The other kids took to helping too.

            He made Nancy and Jonathan leave when they tried to visit. He just couldn’t deal with that yet, even if he couldn’t see them holding hands. Nancy sounded about ready to cry, and Jonathan sounded like he wanted to say something. Nothing got said though. They left and hadn’t come back.

            He didn’t press charges against Billy. It didn’t feel right, and he knew he would regret it eventually, but he chose against it. Billy came in and apologized at one point. Steve had laughed himself into hysterics to the point they had to escort Billy out of the hospital and sedate Steve. He sobbed the minute he woke up. But he wasn’t sedated again, so that was good.

            Three weeks and Steve’s only contacts were the nurses and the kids. Even Mike showed up several times He spent his time explaining D&D to Steve, talking about campaigns, and Steve listened. After these three weeks, Hopper finally stormed into his room.

            “Let’s go, kid,” Hopper stated the moment he bounded into the room. “I’ll be taking care of you.”

            “Why?” Steve found himself scoffing. “What’s the point?”

            Hopper didn’t answer. Instead, Steve found himself being lifted from the bed by strong arms and placed on another wheelchair. He hated that he couldn’t see where Hopper was taking him, but he was picked up from the wheelchair and placed in a car.

            “The Doctor’s recommended you be someplace smaller,” Hopper stated after he started driving. “They deemed your house too big, and you turned down Joyce’s offer.”

            “She has enough to deal with,” Steve stated flatly. “She doesn’t need a blind idiot to add to her stress.”

            “Joyce Byers is going to stress about you whether you like it or not,” Hopper chuckled, ruffling Steve’s hair.

            And it felt… nice. Just a hand through his hair was an affection he had never really gotten as affection. Even from an adult.

            “Your parents still weren’t responding,” Hopper sighed as his hand moved towards Steve’s arm, squeezing gently. “And it wasn’t hard to find out that they had left you alone for some time. It counts as neglect.”

            “No one’s cared before,” Steve stated, still flat.

            He’d gotten so used to it, never having parents around. Never receiving affection unless he had sex. So, when Hopper pulled Steve’s head onto his shoulder, Steve nearly jumped. Hopper’s thumb began to rub circles on Steve’s shoulder, and tears slowly started to fall from Steve’s eyes.

            “I got permission to be your legal guardian,” Hopper said softly. “Had to pull quite a few strings, but your parents no longer have custody of you and will be receiving this information from a lawyer personally. You’re part of the Hopper gang now.”

            Steve sniffed and let Hopper pull him closer. He liked this form of affection, even if he knew it wouldn’t last.

\---------------------------

            Steve slowly accepted his fate as he realized he would never be able to leave Hopper’s cabin on his own. There were too many rocks and trip wires. Hopper basically carried him to the cabin porch before going back for the wheel chair. Then he was being placed on a couch, though Hopper had gotten him a bed. Hopper just needed to build it and figure out where to put it.

            There was a hand on his as Hopper grumbled in the kitchen.

            “Hi,” came the voice of a child.

            And that had to be El. Whenever Mike wasn’t painting the picture for a D&D campaign, he was talking about El. And here she was, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. Steve wished he could see her without the goth make-up she had worn the first time. Instead, he hesitantly let his hand wander to where she was. His hand found her shoulder and he slowly did what he could to find her face, to take in the details there with just touch before it found way into curly hair.

            “Pretty,” he hummed as he ran his hand through the curls.

            Her free hand was suddenly petting his hair, pushing down to his scalp with gentle fingers. “Pretty”

            It probably wasn’t. He hadn’t really been able to shower properly in the hospital, and his hair felt like a greasy mop. But he took the compliment.

            “Can I?”

            Steve had no idea what she was asking, but he let himself nod. Then, there was a little girl in his lap, leaning against his chest. Steve fell asleep to the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

\-----------------------------

            “Why am I here?”

            Hopper hated this. Steve had been in his care for six weeks. Steve had been blind for nearly two months. And Hopper was learning quite a bit about his knew habits. Like his self-doubt.

            “You should throw me out.”

            “No,” Hopper shook his head, moving to Steve slowly, making his steps heavy. “No, Steve, you can stay.”

            “I shouldn’t,” Steve’s body began to tremble. “I shouldn’t be here.”

            “It’s okay,” Hopper cooed as he sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay.”

            These two kids had taught him patience. A patience that he would never had felt otherwise. El needed him to be kind, understanding, and Steve needed him to just be. He didn’t have time for anger with these two, and he often went hunting now to be able to release his anger.

            “You should throw me out,” tears streamed down Steve’s face as his voice shook. “You should throw me out.”

            “No,” Hopper said again, gently. “No, I won’t.”

            “Just let me die!” Steve screamed, sitting upright. “Let me die! Just let me die! I’m not worth it! Let me die! Let me die!”

            “No,” Hopper shook his head, pulling Steve close to his chest. “No, Steve. I want you here. I want you to be here with me and Jane. I love you, Steve. I do. So much. Let me take care of you. Please.”

            “Why can’t I die?” Steve’s voice became a whisper as Hopper’s voice washed over him.

            “Because we love you,” Hopper whispered back. “We want you to stay. Please.”

            Steve would then sob for hours on end in Hopper’s arms before falling asleep. And by the end of the episode, Hopper would have gone out to smoke, only to return to Steve and El curled around each other. The episode would happen again, Hopper knew it would., but everything would be alright in that moment.

\--------------------------

            Steve decided that the only perk of being blind was that he got to where his favorite sunglasses as long as he wanted. School was out, he couldn’t go back, and it wasn’t like he could really get a job either. But he was learning. Hopper had gotten Steve one of those canes, and the kids were helping him learn. He memorized the cabin, and some of the area outside of the cabin, but this was his first time going into town.

            “You’ll be fine,” Hopper soothed gently. “You’ve got six kids to take care of you. And I’m only a pay phone away.”

            Steve nodded with a sigh as he got out. El was instantly holding his hand, and someone grabbed his arm, it was probably Max, as he let the cane out. They walked around for a bit, the kids pointing out where things were, and Steve mourning his eye sight. He tried to picture Hawkins though, to remember what the town looked like. He was glad to have those memories.

            But he could never read again. Never go to school again. Never get a proper job. Never see a movie. Never be able to tell a girl how she looked. Never see the faces of his kids as they smiled. That was all gone. And it hurt.

            “Steve Harrington,” a taunting voice spoke, and Steve felt the glasses being ripped off his face.

            “Leave him alone!” Mike shouted, instantly putting himself in front of Steve. “And give those back!”

            “No,” the familiar voice of Tommy spoke.

            Then there was a snap as Tommy broke Steve’s sunglasses. He heard Mike gasp as the sound of some hitting a wall rang out. Tommy was speaking again, but Steve didn’t quite here. Just the sound as he felt rage curling up him.

            Tommy instantly cried out as Steve brought the cane down on Tommy’s head. Then Steve was using that sound to pin Tommy against the wall.

            “I may be blind,” Steve growled, “but no one touches my kids. Do you understand?”

            Someone ripped Tommy from Steve’s grasp, and there were feet pounding away from Steve and his kids. Someone else had joined them, panting heavily.

            “Harrington.”

            Steve knew that voice.

            “Hargrove.”

            He wasn’t sure he would ever forgive Billy, but he let the younger boy place new sunglasses on Steve’s face before he walked away. Forgiveness was far off, but maybe one day.

            “Mike?” Steve called, not sure where to reach out.

            Mike was quick to grab his hand, though, and Steve pulled the boy to his chest. Steve had to wonder when Mike had gotten so tall. But he pulled Mike away, letting his hand search for an injury. No blood, but a definite bruise on Mike’s side based on the way the boy hissed at the touch.

            “I’m okay,” Mike assured as the other five kids let their hands touch Steve. Letting him know they were there. “Really. Let’s just go grab food or something.”

            They ended up at Benny’s, and Steve was honestly surprised the burger joint was still running, but apparently some cousin had taken over the business. He was kind to Steve, treating him like a person and not some blind idiot. His name was Hank, and Steve liked Hank.

            Dustin and Max helped Steve choose what he wanted to order, reading some menu options and describing the options too. Honestly, the worst part about the day was when people kicked his cane, and Tommy, but other than that, Steve enjoyed his time out. Ending at the station wasn’t too bad either as Flo gave him cookies.

\-----------------------

            Steve absolutely did not want to talk to Nancy or Jonathan. Hopper was not giving him a choice in the matter, so Steve was stuck at the Byers house. The kids were in the living room, and Steve just listened to them play D&D. Mike still took time to come over and tell both El and Steve about his campaigns, and Steve found joy in the verbal images.

            Hopper and Joyce had “business to attend to” which everyone knew was just their excuse for them to go on a date. But because Steve was blind, he wasn’t allowed to watch the kids alone. But that was okay, because Steve didn’t trust himself either. So, Nancy and Jonathan were in the house, and they clearly wanted to say something. They just weren’t saying it.

            “If you wish to say something,” Steve spoke, gripping his cane tighter, “then just say it.”

            “Steve,” Nancy used _that_ tone.

            Steve’s hand instantly went up. “Just don’t do _that._ I’m blind, not a kicked puppy.”

            “We just, wanted to apologize,” Jonathan hummed nervously. “For everything.”

            “Why?” Steve scoffed, clearly startling the other two. “Nancy is her own person. She can do what she wants. It doesn’t matter what you did because none of it has ever really mattered.”

            “Steve,” Nancy admonished. “That isn’t true.”

            “Isn’t it?” Steve laughed bitterly. “Barb died, Jonathan closed himself off, so you went to the guy who was touched starved and used him as a means to cope before it blew up in your face. So, yeah, it never really mattered. I never really mattered. I was just a means to an end you couldn’t have, and the only reason either of you feels bad is because why you were galivanting off, I nearly died three times and now I’m blind.”

            Steve had been so into his rant, he hadn’t even noticed the kids getting quiet, or the front door opening, or the cars arriving outside. He heard none of it as he stood up and went to where he knew he could find the back door. It slammed behind him as he stepped out into the swift air, not quite sure what time it was. He just kept walking, using his cane to maneuver about.

            He ended up finding what had to be a toppled over log or stump. He quickly sank down onto it, removed his sunglasses, and just sobbed. He _hated_ this. Because one day Hopper would get tired of caring for him and kick him out. One day the kids would all move on. One day, everything would just finally end for him. And he wanted it to end now.

            “Harrington.”

            There was a hand on his shoulder, guiding him to a toned chest. Steve knew that voice, but he couldn’t stop. So he sobbed in Billy Hargrove’s embrace. Let the man who had done this to him hold him in a comforting embrace. He wasn’t sure how long he sobbed, but Billy didn’t move until Steve was done.

            “Do you want to head back?” Billy asked quietly.

            Steve nodded, letting Billy guide him to his feet and tug him along. Steve felt them then. The raised scars, the growing bruises, the way Billy’s body jerked at any touch. And Steve knew then that Billy regretted what he had done.

            “I forgive you,” Steve breathed softly. “I forgive you, Billy.”

            Billy chuckled, a wet sound from the back of his throat. “I don’t deserve it.”

            Steve shook his head. “No one deserves forgiveness,” Steve hummed. “Someone told me that once. Can’t remember who. But they also said a man who can give it to their worst enemy is strong.”

            “Sounds like something a priest would say,” Billy muttered, his voice catching on his own breath.

            “Yeah,” Steve nodded back. “I forgive you, William Hargrove.”

            And he would forgive Nancy and Jonathan too. It wasn’t right. None of it would ever be right. But he could forgive them. Who knew being blind could make a man so humble. Steve was just tired of being angry. So, he forgave himself too.

            Just a little bit.

\------------------------

            Three years later, and Steve was still living with Hopper and El. El, who they agreed should be home schooled, spent her days not studying by going around town with Steve. Until she went missing. Everyone who knew El panicked, but none more than Steve, who had been asleep when she vanished. Steve quickly fell into a terrible depression over the three weeks El was gone. A depression no one had seen in him since Billy had brought Steve back from the woods at the Byers. For four weeks, a month in total, there was no sign of El.

            Steve slit his wrist on the third week, was taken to the hospital where Hopper just held him and cried. He told Steve he couldn’t bear to lose his only two kids. Steve didn’t cut his wrists again after that or try any form of suicide. But he didn’t leave his depression, refusing to move or bathe the whole time. Hopper and the others had to force him to eat or drink until Steve realized that was also a form of suicide. He ate and drank reluctantly after that realization.

            When El came back, Steve couldn’t even bring himself to acknowledge her. She cried against his chest, apologizing over and over as he just held her. There were others in the cabin that Steve didn’t know, and Hopper had gone out for work, but Steve couldn’t care. He was too deep in his depression even with El back.

            It took two weeks after El came back for Steve to even remotely begin to act like himself. Even then, he wouldn’t smile or laugh. He spoke, though, and went back to his walks around town.

            El, as it turned out, had gone to help her sister, Kali, to free others like them. It had been far away and had taken a long time to get them. El had seen the moment Steve cut his wrist, had been the one to alert Hopper of what Steve had done. Steve held her for hours after that confession, promising to never do it again over and over. He just hoped he could keep that promise.

            But as the days passed everyone saw it. The way Steve would just lose how will to exist piece by piece. He lived, for Hopper and El, but his own existence seemed foolish in his own mind’s eye. Until one day.

            “This will hurt,” a voice said softly. “I’m sorry, but it will help.”

            Sara Hopper, Hopper’s biological daughter was talking to him. She was around his age, two years younger, and they had discovered she was one of Brenner’s experiments. She was kind, shy, and hadn’t really wanted to talk about her gift. Steve was very surprised when one had covered his broken eyes, and the second cupped the back of his head.

            Then there was just a searing pain, like his entire head was on fire. He screamed and sobbed out, but someone was holding him down as someone else shushed and soothed him.

            Then the hands were removed.

            And Steve could see again.


End file.
